30 Days Faceless Day 23

I have 16 days left of my childhood. In sixteen days, I will be eighteen, an "adult". I am not exactly looking foward to it. So I looked up what I can do when I turn eighteen that I couldn't before, to make me become more excited.

The list included: I can buy tobacco, get a tattoo, buy spray paint, sue someone, be sued, get married, get into clubs, buy a lottery ticket, apply for a loan, get a blockbuster membership, enlist in the military, go to jail, become an undercover cop, change my name, get a credit card, become a stripper, rent a house, enter almost any sweepstakes, buy stuff on infomercials, rent a port-a-potty, drive an ice cream truck, buy a house, pay taxes, get a pay-pal account, get or give a lap dance, drive a company vehicle, carry a weapon (with a license), buy insurance, skydive, and gamble.

YES! NOW I am excited! I mean wouldn't you be? I can smoke and spit tobacco, become a stripper and give people lap dances, change my name to Lucinda, become an undercover cop, drive an ice cream truck while carrying a gun, gamble, then marry someone and buy a house with all the money I won!

I am very sorry. But this is still not exciting. I don't plan on doing most of those things. I will probably buy a lottery ticket and get a membership at blockbuster. I have to apply for a loan, but other than that, I don't have aspirations for any of these "awesome" "adult" things. I had to laugh when I was researching this topic. The question was on yahoo answers. The answers were...interesting to say the least. One of the answers was "You can have sex with anyone you want and they won't go to jail." Another answer was, "Go to jail...be careful." A lot of answers were: "You can do anything you want! Except buy liquor and rent a car." Are these people really excited about this? I am sorry. I am not.

As some would say: "Welcome to the real world Ali".

I wonder if it's better to live in ignorance than know the ins and outs of this fallen world. That is why I miss being a child. Everything was peachy and you had everything in the world to look forward to. "Freedom" means different things to everyone. I suppose that to some, it is moving out of the house, getting a tattoo, and doing whatever you want. To most, it is getting away with as much as possible. But if that's freedom, keep me in chains.

30 Days Faceless Day 23

Have you ever noticed the many instances in the Bible with faith and water?

Jesus was on a boat with His disciples. A big storm came and the disciples were freaking out, but Jesus was fast asleep. They woke him and He calmed the storm. They were amazed. Jesus asked them where their faith was (Matthew 8).

When the israelites were slaves, God told Moses to have Aaron stretch out his staff over the Nile so that it would be turned into blood (Exodus 7). Aaron and Moses had to have faith that God would do it.

Jesus walked on water to the boat where His disciples were. The disciples were frightened and thought he was a ghost. Peter called out to Him, showing faith. Jesus told Him to come out onto the water and he did. But he saw the waves and doubted. Jesus pulled him out and called him "you of little faith" (Matthew 14).

Moses' mother had faith that God would save her son. She placed Him in a basket and set him in the Nile River. God saved Moses (Exodus 2).

Noah built an ark when God told him to, even though he didn't even know what an ark was. He didn't even know what rain was. But God saved him and his family from the flood (Genesis 6-7).

Moses parted the red sea with God's help, having faith that God would deliver the israelites(Exodus 14).

Jesus was at a wedding and they ran out of wine. He told the servants to bring Him jars of water and they did it, even though it probably sounded crazy. They needed wine, not water. But then Jesus turned the water into wine(John 2).

The israelites were out in the desert and did not have any water. Moses struck the rock as God commanded and water poured out of it (Exodus 17).

The subject of faith is talked about many times in the Bible with the context with water.
Faith is being sure of what I hope for, and certain of what I do not see (Hebrews 11:1). Faith is the foundation for what I believe.
Water often symbolizes purity and cleansing or baptism in the BIble.

Hebrews 10:22-23 says: "let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

I think these last verses capture the connection between faith and water very well.

30 Days Faceless Day 22

I did it. No facebook today. woohoo. go me. the end

30 Days Faceless Day 21

A lot of change is happening in my life. Everything is new. I am in unfamiliar, uncharted territory. I am nervous. I am frightened. And sometimes it can become discouraging. Tonight I read these verses:

"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:8-9

Wherever I go, whether it be just outside my house, a completely different city or state, or any new unfamiliar place, God will be with me. He commands me to be strong and courageous. That command is easier said than done. But the end of the verse is encouragement for that command. God is with me; therefore, I should be strong and courageous and neither scared nor discouraged. I have God on my side.

30 Days Faceless Day 20

Every saturday morning at the java house I work at, we serve swedish pancakes, homeade by Danny our head barista. I am his official helper. I place the pancakes on the plate, and put whatever the customer wants on there (whip cream, strawberries, butter, syrup, or lingonberries). To sum it all up, I make them look pretty.

Danny may flip the pancakes off of the pans and they may be twisted, broken, ripped, and even torn apart. But I know the secret to making it all look scrumptious and delightful. I was thinking about this as I was working this morning. Danny always lets me know when one ripped, "Oh! That is a mess. But I know you'll make it look pretty! They'll never know!" I am, afterall, that good.

So, I began to think about my job of making a messed up pancake look pretty. I hide it under the other two pancakes on the plate, or I fold it a certain way. I have a perfect technique of making it unseen and unnoticable. But then I thought, how good am I at doing this in real life? When I am messed up and broken and torn, do I just make myself look pretty on the outside and hide my pain or sin inside so no one will see? This is quite a serious thing.

Of course, this isn't a big deal with pancakes. It is food. It all tastes the same no matter what it looks like and it would not be bad if someone found out that the second pancake in their stack wasn't in one piece. But what about life? What about my life?

This is something I want God to search my heart for. Am I a hypocrite? Do I make my outside look pretty for others but leave the real me hidden?

I know this is easy for me to do, especially when I am struggling in pain or difficulties in my life. I hide it all so I won't "burden" anyone with what I am going through. I put on a smile and don't tell a soul. I hold in the tears when all I want to do is cry. I say I am good when I am really not. I tell half truths to get around the conversation that would make me ache again. I make my life look pretty.

30 Days Faceless Day 19

"Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away" Luke 21:33

Have you ever thought about the Bible and how it was written? And how there are many different authors and yet it all flows together? God spoke to every author and He has what He wants in the Book. It amazes me. No other book is like it. All of it is God-breathed.

When I open up my Bible, I read it, but it also reads me. Hebrews 4:12-13 says: "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account."

When we read the Bible the Holy Spirit speaks to us, convicts me, and reveals our hearts and inner motives in a way that is incredibly powerful and life changing. I know no other book as influential.

30 Days Faceless Day 18

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21

It's easy to love those who already love us. The hard thing is to love when no one is loving back; loving your "enemies". This is something that has always been hard for me. Usually, I get along with everyone pretty well. But God always places that one person in my life that I don't seem to get along with. You could say that He is trying to tell me what I need to work on. My mom says there will always be that one person.

It is easy to say one sarcastic comment to another person't sarcastic comment, one snide remark to another snide remark...but Romans 12:17-18 says: "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

I remember my mom always quoting verse 18 to my brothers and I. "As far as it depends on YOU, live at peace with everyone." It depends on you, not the other person. There is no excuse...no "but he..." or "but she.." I don't ever see that written in the Bible. Ever.

The message version of verses 17-18 say this: "Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody."

"Discover beauuty in everyone" reminds me of a quote in the movie "Lord, Save us from your Followers". It says: "If you love someone, you will go out of your way to find the best in them."

I love that quote. And it is something that I am trying to keep with me this week, and throughout my life. I'm trying to find the best in everyone, even in my "enemies".

30 Days Faceless Day 17

Have you ever thought about who God is? How big He is? How powerful and awesome He is?

Once, my friend told me that she read that sometimes we get so caught up in one side of God; that He is my dad, my friend, my buddy..that we don't see the big picture. We don't remember everything that He is. He is Holy. He is righteous. He is Lord.

Yes, God is personal, but that doesn't mean He is just like us. J.I. Packer says this: "Our personal life is a finite thing: it is limited in every direction, in space, in time, in knowledge, in power. But God is not so limited. He is eternal, infinite and almighty. He has us in his hands; we never have him in ours. Like us, he is personal; but unlike us, He is great."

It is an amazing priveledge to be able to have a personal relationship with God; The One amazing God who created me. He created everything out of nothing. I was made, but He is the One who made me. It is just so amazing to think about that. I have a relationship with the King of the Universe.

I had a beginning. I was born in 1992. God is eternal. He has always been here and always will. He is the Alpha and Omega.

Psalm 90:2 "Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God."

God is so big. So amazing. So wonderful. He is our Lord, our King, and our Redeemer.

God is great.

30 Days Faceless Day 16

Sometimes it is difficult to know what God's plan is. It's difficult to know if what you want to do is what the Lord wants you to do. Most of the time it is discouraging when you hear the devil trying to convince you that you aren't good enough to do the thing you are trying to do. But for me, it was SO encouraging. If Satan is trying to stop me, it must be for the Lord right?

I'm sorry this is so vague. But I would be extremely thankful for prayer as I go on.

30 Days Faceless Day 15

I've been two weeks without facebook and I am so glad I did this. There are better ways to spend my time and I believe that when my fast is over I will limit myself to how much time I spend on that website each day. Facebook is a good place to communicate with others, but I used it too frequently and aimlessly to where I was just staring at the page going no where.

I think the term "faceless" was actually good for this fast...
I am out of the social loop. I am no longer communicating as much with the world. I am not posting statuses, pictures, or writing on people's walls. People have probably forgotten about me. I have become faceless.

30 Days Faceless Day 14

It is funny how certain sounds come to mean certain things or trigger certain thoughts or reactions...like how the sound of a garage door opening can make you think of your dad coming home. And even when you know it isn't him, you still think of him. Even when you are only two years old, when you think you hear the sound, you come running into the kitchen waiting for him to come in, trying to open the door with your small hands so you can see him...and you don't understand when your mother is saying that it was only the dishwasher.

It is also funny how easily one can forget things...forgetting someone is not home so you are confused when you don't see them. You set the table for five when only four are actually in the house going to eat. The seat next to you at the table feels empty and bare. You say something and can imagine what the missing person would say if they were there. I guess that is what it is like to miss someone.

30 Days Faceless Day 13

Last night I began reading "Dug Down Deep" by Joshua Harris (yes, i know I am obsessed). It is kind of like a journal of him unearthing what he believes and why it matters. In the first chapter he talks about how we are all theologians in some shape or form. We all believe something about God, even if we think he is not real. We all have beliefs and opinions, the question is whether or not what we know about God is true.

Favorite quote of the chapter:

"We're either building our lives on the reality of what God is truly like and what he's about, or we're basing our lives on our own imagination and misconception."

This statement really got to me. We all live our lives based on our beliefs, whether we know it or not, our beliefs effect everything we do and how we live. Do I really know God? Or am I just living based on my own imagination and misconception?

I am excited about reading the rest of this book and reading more of the word as well.

30 Days Faceless Day 12

The past month or so I have been reading Job. I honestly haven't been doing a good job of reading it every day like I wanted. But tonight God was determined I did...and I mean determined. He tugged at my heart, planted the idea in my mind, and even made the show I was watching stop playing. These six verses really stuck out to me.

Job 22:21-27
"Submit to God and be at peace with Him; in this way prosperity will come to you. Accept instruction from His mouth and lay up His words in your heart. If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored: If you remove wickedness far from your tent and assign your nuggets to the dust, your gold of Ophir to the rocks and ravines, then the Almighty will be your gold, the choicest of silvers for you. Surely then you will find delight in the Almighty and will lift up your face to God. You will pray to Him, and He will hear you, and you will fullfill your vows."

30 Days Faceless Day 11

This morning, God spoke to me in a song. Leave You Alone by Chasen. Applied directly to me. God still loves. He's chasing my broken heart.


Hey, would you change your mind today
If I told you love, things would never be the same
Hey, He can take your pain away
Despite your many scars, He'll meet you where you are

I don't want to see you fall away
I can hear you say
You're searching for a healing for these wounds you've made

CHORUS
You'll never have to do this alone
Walking the tightrope and bracing the fall
No matter what you've done this far
He's still chasing your broken heart
He's never gonna leave you alone

Hey, so you act like things are fine
But it's not alright behind those lonely eyes
Hey, you can stop this masquerade
It's such a hollow life, got to give up your pride

I don't want to see you walk away
But I can hear you say
You're searching for an answer here it comes today

You'll never have to do this alone
Walking the tightrope and bracing the fall
No matter what you've done this far
He's still chasing your broken heart
He's never gonna leave you alone


Escape the place you're in
There is hope for you
It's never too late
It’s never too late

You'll never have to do this alone
Walking the tightrope and bracing the fall
No matter what you've done this far
He's still chasing your broken heart
He's never gonna leave you alone

30 Days Faceless Day 10

It is a weird thing when you can relate so well to what someone is talking about. You just want to shake your head yes and jump up and shout:

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!

It can be a good feeling..knowing you aren't alone in something or that someone understands you. But it can also be awful. Because there is no way you will stand up and shout that. There is no way that they will know. There is no way you will have the courage to admit and get over something and move on.

You are stuck. Not in life...life goes on. Stuck in a feeling. A depressing thought. A hurt. A struggle. A painful glimpse of how deep that cut is.

30 Days Faceless Day 9

The last two weeks I have slept very little. I slept very little and worked a LOT. Result: Being extremely tired and yet, unable to sleep. I have had so many things on my mind. Last night I was stressing out over so many things I stayed up past 2am...which was not on purpose since I was planning to meet a friend to walk at 8.

But last night I had a dream. I was put in a situation where I would normally have been jealous, anxious, nervous, and upset. And yet, I was completely calm. I was at peace. It was wonderful.

I believe that God speaks to people through dreams. I believe this whole heartedly. I think God was telling me something in this dream. He wants me to be at peace. He has everything under control. Everything will work out for the good.

Psalm 4:8
"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety"

30 Days Faceless Day 8

Sometimes I feel out of the loop of society. Especially when my mother asks me things about certain events and I don't know what she's talking about. She says: "It was on facebook." Well that explains it.

I am a very social person. I need people. I need friends. I like to talk.

Let me revise that. I love to talk. Probably one of the reasons I decided to postpone my day of silence. I love to go out with friends and plan events and be invited to events.

Right now I just want to scream. TEXT ME PEOPLE!

I feel invisible to the social network of friends, events, and plans.

30 Days Faceless Day 7

I believe I have become more and more cynical this last month and definitely these last two weeks. In these last two weeks, even this last week, my life has changed dramatically from what it was before. And it will continue to change. I hate change.

Ask anyone. I have said "I hate change" so many times. And yet, those times when things change in my life is when I become stronger. It is when I see that I am weak. It is when I rely on Jesus for my strength; he makes me stronger in the end. I grow and mature through change and through difficulties.

Paul says that He rejoices in his sufferings because suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope (Romans 5:3-4).

Sometimes I don't want to have hope. Because it seems that when I hope, it gets dashed to pieces. And maybe it is less horrifying to lose something or not get something when you are not expecting it at all. But verse 5 in Romans 5 contradicts this: "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

30 Days Faceless Day 6

Tonight I watched Pride and Prejudice...the modern version..set in the 21st century.
First of all. I don't recommend the movie. It was badly made and I am afraid that I could have acted better in it. But I did notice something. In the movie, instead of sending telegrams or hand written notes or even letters, there were emails sent and phonecalls made. And it made the movie that much sillier. It felt off and very unlovable. OOOH! He sent her an EMAIL! instead of... OH MY! HE WROTE HER A LETTER!

Technology has made our society so unromantic. When was the last time you wrote a letter? No. Not typed, Hand wrote a letter to someone. I don't hand write often. Especially since I sprained my wrist last fall. Writing seems to be hard on it. But I know I love recieving letters and sentemental notes and just mail in general, which I usually only recieve on birthdays and holidays (cards). Usually on my close friend's and family's birthdays I will write them something about how much they mean to me. But maybe I am just a hopeless, sentemental, romantic.

30 Days Faceless Day 5

When your day is full and busy, there isn't much time for the temptation of facebook. However, when you arrive home after a long day at work, or a busy day of something, it is tempting to relax and sit down and get on the computer and just go around on facebook.

It's a safe zone. No responsiblity. No difficult tasks. And the only pressure that is put on you is whether or not to join a mafia or build a farm...

But there are many more ways to relax that are much more beneficial than staring at a computer screen. For example, earlier this week I took a bath for the first time in a long time. I used this aromatherapy bath soap stuff and it was rather nice.

Praying is another relaxing method. Being thankful while you pray...not just asking for things, but being thankful for the things you have. It puts me in such a better mood.

Have any other ways of relaxing? Let me know. I would be happy to try them.

30 Days Faceless Day 4

The second of crappy Thursdays.

Or at least that is what I thought at about 11:30 this morning while at work. I was a complete blonde in everything I did. An idiot. Not long after I clocked in I gave someone the wrong order (someone else's order) and they drove off, not noticing. I didn't notice either until later. I also threw away a ticket of an order that wasn't complete. Don't ask me where my brain was then. I must have been in lala land.

I also was told I was fired by a six year old. The reason? I robbed a bank. How did he find out? No idea. But I know that I am most defintely NOT underestimating six year olds again.

I wasn't looking forward to work today anyway. Mostly because of an employee I don't seem to get along with that well. But the afternoon went pretty smooth and we closed super fast. So all in all; a pretty okay day.

In other news.

My NIV/The Message Bible came in today! I'm super excited to read it.

Also. My best friend is coming home tonight from a mission trip! I can't wait to see and talk to her. I've missed her very much.



_____________________________________________________________________________________


I am obsessed with facebook statuses. I must think of a million different clever sayings and statements during the day. That is when I get the urge to get on facebook; I have an idea or something clever, and I want to show off to the world about it.

I think I will write them down in a journal from now on and just savor them for myself. Or maybe, I should actually communicate with the real world. Not just through facebook.

30 Days Faceless Day 3

My day of silence was broken only a little after 10 am this morning.
"There's a stick..." I said to my brother and his friend as I was about to back my car out of the driveway. They immediately started laughing at me.

Yep. I slipped up. But I kept going. I was silent the rest of the morning.
I cleaned and I made no bake cookies


At about 12:30pm I went for a walk. I was barefoot (still am) and I was walking through the water left on our street by the rain. One of my older neighbors was out in his yard and he waved to me and said hi. I waved back and kept walking. I slowed down at one point to look at something and before I knew it he had walked across the street to talk to me.

I thought it impolite to be silent so I indulged in conversation. And he had a lot to say. From high school biology classes to his job working on the first computers in the 1950's to mission work in central america, this guy was a talker. We talked right there on the street for a good thirty minutes.

After that I decided that this just wasn't the day to be silent. I make my plans, but God has His own. So I went with it and talked up a storm to my mom when she got home; telling her I didn't realize how much i talk. "Yeah. You talk a lot," she said.

That afternoon I went and found the best swings in bartlesville (that I know of). If you all know of any better ones please tell me.


I stayed there for a while, taking pictures, reading, journaling, and the like.



My day was good. Different, but good. And now, I might go put socks on. My feet are cold.

30 Days Faceless Day 2

Good evening.

I realized something today.

I am a facebook addict.
No. This isn't a good thing.

I realized that when I am bored, I go on facebook. When I am sad, I go on facebook. When I am frustrated, I go on facebook. When I am sick of something or get in a fight, I go on facebook. And when I am lonely, I go on facebook. When I am struggling, I go on facebook.
See a pattern?

Facebook is not the answer to all my problems...the farthest from it. It was my "escape". It was my distraction.
Instead of confronting my problems I hid from them. Instead of running to the true Savior of the Universe, I went to the top social network.

So here I am. Faceless..however lame that may be. Fasting from this addiction that I have been using as a hiding place and a distraction, when I could be doing much better things.

Tomorrow I am going to be silent. Not only am I not going to talk (or sing unfortunately) I am also going to shut off my phone. This is my day of silence. 24 hours of prayer and stillness. At least I hope. I hear that some people (crazy coworkers and silly little brothers) are going to try and get me to talk, whether it be by asking me many questions or actually coming and attacking my house. But it would be more likely that I slipped out a little song while I bake a cake in the afternoon.

I will allow myself to blog once or twice. Yes...but no commenting for me. Just sending my thoughts and contemplations out into the web. I plan to spend tomorrow in prayer. I plan to be barefoot these 24 hours as well (knocking 2 off of my bucket list).

I will write about my findings and my doings and my silence tomorrow. Perhaps.

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and Know that I Am God."

30 Days Faceless Day 1

Hello. I am just a girl who's name is Ali.

A month ago I fasted from makeup for 30 days. It changed my life. I was thinking about what would happen if I spent 30 days without something else..or with something else...or apart of something else.

This blog is an experiment.
A reminder.
A test.
A challenge.

You may enjoy reading. You may not. You may join me. You may not. I may be sending this out to a vast nothingness. But I may not.
My first 30 days begin now. 30 days without facebook; an addiction that doesn't exactly benefit, just a way to waste time when I am bored. I plan to spend my time more carefully and beneficially. So here I go. 30 days faceless.