Dear readers..
Today is day 30 of my 30 days in the Word. I didn't write in this blog every day. I missed 2 days in reading God's word. But I dug into His word the 28 days that I did read.
And I saw my heart. And I saw it changed. I saw it not want to change. I saw Jesus mold me. I saw him hold me. I felt Him with me. Sometimes I was angry. Sometimes I was sad. Sometimes I was so happy. I cried and laughed and smiled and frowned and yelled and shouted and screamed and I was silent. There were days I never felt closer to God before. There were days I felt lower than the dust of the ground.
Because my bones were broken. They were ground into dust when I kept silent. And now I speak because I can't keep silent anymore.
But I can't speak to you. You are not my Father. You are not My Best Friend. You don't understand me the way He does. You don't know me inside and out. You don't know my heart. You don't know my every thought. You don't know why every tear falls. You don't know my pain or struggles. You don't know me at all.
That's why I only fall at the feet of Jesus. That's why He is the Only One who changes my heart...
I'm not sure what else to do.
August 6, 2010
August 3, 2010
30 Days in the Word Day 27
Psalm 25
Of David.
1[a] To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;
2 in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
3 No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
7 Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.
8 Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
9 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
13 He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
18 Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
19 See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
20 Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
22 Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!
My hope should be in the Lord. I need not be afraid of what is to come because those who hope in him will not be put to shame. I want to know more about My Lord. I want Him to teach me in His ways and in what I should do and how I should act. I want to learn. My hope should be in Him ALL DAY LONG. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day. All the time. God is good. He has forgiven all of my past and all that I have ever done wrong. He loves me. I need to be humble when coming to Him. My eyes need to always be on Him. For He alone can save me. Save me Lord. Guard me from what will harm me. Protect me. Shield me with your great Love and faithfulness.
Of David.
1[a] To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;
2 in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
3 No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
7 Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.
8 Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
9 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
13 He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
18 Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
19 See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
20 Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
22 Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!
My hope should be in the Lord. I need not be afraid of what is to come because those who hope in him will not be put to shame. I want to know more about My Lord. I want Him to teach me in His ways and in what I should do and how I should act. I want to learn. My hope should be in Him ALL DAY LONG. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day. All the time. God is good. He has forgiven all of my past and all that I have ever done wrong. He loves me. I need to be humble when coming to Him. My eyes need to always be on Him. For He alone can save me. Save me Lord. Guard me from what will harm me. Protect me. Shield me with your great Love and faithfulness.
August 1, 2010
30 Days in the Word Day 25
I must admit I have been struggling. I have been struggling with certain issues in my life. Many issues. And for a while I was extremely frustrated with how things were going and I would become angry very easily...mostly with myself, but I was blaming other people and taking it out on them. Let me rephrase all of that...I AM STILL STRUGGLING WITH THIS.
I am just actually trying to control it now..
I haven't written on this blog in 3 days. Have I still been reading God's word? Yes, I have. But I haven't been blogging about it like I said I would.
On day 23 I purposely did not blog. It felt really good to be honest. I am really burn out right now and it felt great to take a break. I apologize for it, however, I think I really needed it. The things I am struggling with are quite personal and it is very difficult to write about them. I may very well not write about them. If I can be general I will.
But God is working in my heart so much to the point of me being in tears for a good amount of time every day. It is hard. But it is wonderful. This is how God works...who else can change my heart? No One! Who else can have this much of an impact on my life? What other book can speak to me with such clarity and heart wrenching boldness? What other book can change the way I think and act? What other book can hit home the way the Bible does? No other book..
Something I learned today...when you are struggling with something, confess it. When you are sinning and you want to ignore it and blame the world, don't. When your thoughts aren't pure, acknowledge it. Lay them before God. Don't bottle it all up inside.
David says in Psalm 32, verses 3-6:
"When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night you hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said: 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord' -- and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you."
I am just actually trying to control it now..
I haven't written on this blog in 3 days. Have I still been reading God's word? Yes, I have. But I haven't been blogging about it like I said I would.
On day 23 I purposely did not blog. It felt really good to be honest. I am really burn out right now and it felt great to take a break. I apologize for it, however, I think I really needed it. The things I am struggling with are quite personal and it is very difficult to write about them. I may very well not write about them. If I can be general I will.
But God is working in my heart so much to the point of me being in tears for a good amount of time every day. It is hard. But it is wonderful. This is how God works...who else can change my heart? No One! Who else can have this much of an impact on my life? What other book can speak to me with such clarity and heart wrenching boldness? What other book can change the way I think and act? What other book can hit home the way the Bible does? No other book..
Something I learned today...when you are struggling with something, confess it. When you are sinning and you want to ignore it and blame the world, don't. When your thoughts aren't pure, acknowledge it. Lay them before God. Don't bottle it all up inside.
David says in Psalm 32, verses 3-6:
"When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night you hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said: 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord' -- and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you."
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