Dear readers..
Today is day 30 of my 30 days in the Word. I didn't write in this blog every day. I missed 2 days in reading God's word. But I dug into His word the 28 days that I did read.
And I saw my heart. And I saw it changed. I saw it not want to change. I saw Jesus mold me. I saw him hold me. I felt Him with me. Sometimes I was angry. Sometimes I was sad. Sometimes I was so happy. I cried and laughed and smiled and frowned and yelled and shouted and screamed and I was silent. There were days I never felt closer to God before. There were days I felt lower than the dust of the ground.
Because my bones were broken. They were ground into dust when I kept silent. And now I speak because I can't keep silent anymore.
But I can't speak to you. You are not my Father. You are not My Best Friend. You don't understand me the way He does. You don't know me inside and out. You don't know my heart. You don't know my every thought. You don't know why every tear falls. You don't know my pain or struggles. You don't know me at all.
That's why I only fall at the feet of Jesus. That's why He is the Only One who changes my heart...
I'm not sure what else to do.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
August 6, 2010
August 3, 2010
30 Days in the Word Day 27
Psalm 25
Of David.
1[a] To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;
2 in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
3 No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
7 Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.
8 Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
9 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
13 He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
18 Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
19 See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
20 Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
22 Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!
My hope should be in the Lord. I need not be afraid of what is to come because those who hope in him will not be put to shame. I want to know more about My Lord. I want Him to teach me in His ways and in what I should do and how I should act. I want to learn. My hope should be in Him ALL DAY LONG. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day. All the time. God is good. He has forgiven all of my past and all that I have ever done wrong. He loves me. I need to be humble when coming to Him. My eyes need to always be on Him. For He alone can save me. Save me Lord. Guard me from what will harm me. Protect me. Shield me with your great Love and faithfulness.
Of David.
1[a] To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;
2 in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
3 No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
7 Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.
8 Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
9 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
13 He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
18 Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
19 See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
20 Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
22 Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!
My hope should be in the Lord. I need not be afraid of what is to come because those who hope in him will not be put to shame. I want to know more about My Lord. I want Him to teach me in His ways and in what I should do and how I should act. I want to learn. My hope should be in Him ALL DAY LONG. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day. All the time. God is good. He has forgiven all of my past and all that I have ever done wrong. He loves me. I need to be humble when coming to Him. My eyes need to always be on Him. For He alone can save me. Save me Lord. Guard me from what will harm me. Protect me. Shield me with your great Love and faithfulness.
August 1, 2010
30 Days in the Word Day 25
I must admit I have been struggling. I have been struggling with certain issues in my life. Many issues. And for a while I was extremely frustrated with how things were going and I would become angry very easily...mostly with myself, but I was blaming other people and taking it out on them. Let me rephrase all of that...I AM STILL STRUGGLING WITH THIS.
I am just actually trying to control it now..
I haven't written on this blog in 3 days. Have I still been reading God's word? Yes, I have. But I haven't been blogging about it like I said I would.
On day 23 I purposely did not blog. It felt really good to be honest. I am really burn out right now and it felt great to take a break. I apologize for it, however, I think I really needed it. The things I am struggling with are quite personal and it is very difficult to write about them. I may very well not write about them. If I can be general I will.
But God is working in my heart so much to the point of me being in tears for a good amount of time every day. It is hard. But it is wonderful. This is how God works...who else can change my heart? No One! Who else can have this much of an impact on my life? What other book can speak to me with such clarity and heart wrenching boldness? What other book can change the way I think and act? What other book can hit home the way the Bible does? No other book..
Something I learned today...when you are struggling with something, confess it. When you are sinning and you want to ignore it and blame the world, don't. When your thoughts aren't pure, acknowledge it. Lay them before God. Don't bottle it all up inside.
David says in Psalm 32, verses 3-6:
"When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night you hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said: 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord' -- and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you."
I am just actually trying to control it now..
I haven't written on this blog in 3 days. Have I still been reading God's word? Yes, I have. But I haven't been blogging about it like I said I would.
On day 23 I purposely did not blog. It felt really good to be honest. I am really burn out right now and it felt great to take a break. I apologize for it, however, I think I really needed it. The things I am struggling with are quite personal and it is very difficult to write about them. I may very well not write about them. If I can be general I will.
But God is working in my heart so much to the point of me being in tears for a good amount of time every day. It is hard. But it is wonderful. This is how God works...who else can change my heart? No One! Who else can have this much of an impact on my life? What other book can speak to me with such clarity and heart wrenching boldness? What other book can change the way I think and act? What other book can hit home the way the Bible does? No other book..
Something I learned today...when you are struggling with something, confess it. When you are sinning and you want to ignore it and blame the world, don't. When your thoughts aren't pure, acknowledge it. Lay them before God. Don't bottle it all up inside.
David says in Psalm 32, verses 3-6:
"When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night you hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said: 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord' -- and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you."
July 29, 2010
30 Days in the Word Day 22
Psalm 139 NIV
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
I read that and I am utterly amazed. God knows everything about me. He knows my inside and my outside. He knows where I go and what I do. He knows what I say before I even utter a sound. He knows my desires. He knows my temptations. He knows my struggles. He knows my heart. He even knows my thoughts. He knew me before I was even born. He made me; He created me. I am HIS. And He loves me, unconditionally. Which is incredible. Who would love me if they knew everything about me? Who would love me if they knew everything that I have done? Who would love me if they knew my every thought? Who would accept me and love me unconditionally forever and always? Only Jesus Christ. How incredible awesome is that? How wonderful and amazing our God is.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
I read that and I am utterly amazed. God knows everything about me. He knows my inside and my outside. He knows where I go and what I do. He knows what I say before I even utter a sound. He knows my desires. He knows my temptations. He knows my struggles. He knows my heart. He even knows my thoughts. He knew me before I was even born. He made me; He created me. I am HIS. And He loves me, unconditionally. Which is incredible. Who would love me if they knew everything about me? Who would love me if they knew everything that I have done? Who would love me if they knew my every thought? Who would accept me and love me unconditionally forever and always? Only Jesus Christ. How incredible awesome is that? How wonderful and amazing our God is.
July 25, 2010
30 Days in the Word Day 18
Philippians 1:9-11 NIV
"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God."
This is exactly what I needed to hear. You may remember me talking about love in one of my past posts. Well it has been on my mind and on my heart for some time. God has been telling me to love others, but he has also been telling me to be wise. I am not going to lie. It has been frustrating me and confusing me trying to figure it all out. I am supposed to love others, but I am also supposed to do this wisely. I need to ask for wisdom and discernment so I know what is best and pure and righteous.
Philippians 1:9-11 THE MESSAGE
"So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God."
Reading the message version of these verses really woke me up to what it's all about. I've been struggling with learning how to love others and also struggling with personal issues that make me doubt how to go about loving. Paul says to learn how to love appropriately. It made me excited to read this. There is a way! Then Paul says "Use your head!" I need to be smart. I need to test myself and my feelings. My love needs to be sincere and intelligent, not gushing and foolish.
I don't know what else to say or add. The Word says it all. Let's just say I now have the right mindset.
"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God."
This is exactly what I needed to hear. You may remember me talking about love in one of my past posts. Well it has been on my mind and on my heart for some time. God has been telling me to love others, but he has also been telling me to be wise. I am not going to lie. It has been frustrating me and confusing me trying to figure it all out. I am supposed to love others, but I am also supposed to do this wisely. I need to ask for wisdom and discernment so I know what is best and pure and righteous.
Philippians 1:9-11 THE MESSAGE
"So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God."
Reading the message version of these verses really woke me up to what it's all about. I've been struggling with learning how to love others and also struggling with personal issues that make me doubt how to go about loving. Paul says to learn how to love appropriately. It made me excited to read this. There is a way! Then Paul says "Use your head!" I need to be smart. I need to test myself and my feelings. My love needs to be sincere and intelligent, not gushing and foolish.
I don't know what else to say or add. The Word says it all. Let's just say I now have the right mindset.
July 22, 2010
30 Days in the Word Day 15
Mark 11:22-26 NIV
"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
THE MESSAGE
Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins."
The message version really made me understand Jesus's point. I love the term "God-life". It makes me think of a life really lived for God; a life of faith. I want a faith like that.
Jesus says to pray about EVERYTHING. Do you do that? Do you pray about the little things? Do you give praises? Are you thankful? Or do you just pray about the big stuff and think God wouldn't care about the rest? Or do you just pray when bad things happen?
I also love the phrase: "assuming the posture of prayer". My mom always tells me to have good posture, but I never thought of prayer this way. This means making prayer a habit! Making it a daily, hour by hour, minute by minute, moment by moment thing! Live in prayer. Be talking to God constantly. I can speak from experience that this is such a wonderful thing...to have God right next to you every second of your day, just telling him everything on your heart and mind. It makes you more aware of what you are saying and doing and how you are acting around others.
Prayer isn't just asking for things. It is thanksgiving. It is repenting. It is worship.
"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
THE MESSAGE
Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins."
The message version really made me understand Jesus's point. I love the term "God-life". It makes me think of a life really lived for God; a life of faith. I want a faith like that.
Jesus says to pray about EVERYTHING. Do you do that? Do you pray about the little things? Do you give praises? Are you thankful? Or do you just pray about the big stuff and think God wouldn't care about the rest? Or do you just pray when bad things happen?
I also love the phrase: "assuming the posture of prayer". My mom always tells me to have good posture, but I never thought of prayer this way. This means making prayer a habit! Making it a daily, hour by hour, minute by minute, moment by moment thing! Live in prayer. Be talking to God constantly. I can speak from experience that this is such a wonderful thing...to have God right next to you every second of your day, just telling him everything on your heart and mind. It makes you more aware of what you are saying and doing and how you are acting around others.
Prayer isn't just asking for things. It is thanksgiving. It is repenting. It is worship.
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